Fare thee well, Barb

I’ve spent my days since July 2nd wholly giving my love and attention to Barbara MacCallum, a dear friend and down the alley neighbor we’ve known for 26 years. During these extraordinary last weeks I met a team of folks who love Barb, and through our combined collaboration, created a net of support for her time remaining on Earth. Barb passed away peacefully August 15th with her family nearby.

Barb is a real friend, as anyone who knows her might tell you. Dozens of comments posted in texts, emails and Facebook all say how they appreciated Barb’s kindness over the years.

And during the past six weeks, I came to know her family and friends and felt blessed to be part of “Team Barb,” as her Anchorage nephew Mark named the band of folks who stepped in to help with Barb’s transition from life to the Great Beyond.

The first inkling Barb had that something was amiss, was when she visited her local doctor on July 2nd. She was having trouble breathing, thinking she had severe allergies, which sapped her energy. Her doctor called for an ambulance that took her to ER. Bill and I were in Edmonds with our son Raymond at the time.

A note: Barb gave Raymond his first job walking her Cocker Spaniel Honey when he was a boy. She is so proud of him, she posted his 2021 university graduation photo on her fridge. And Honey? She was Barbara’s co-host, greeting guests and always looking for a treat.

That Thursday July 2nd, Barb phoned and asked me to welcome her AirBnB guests, because she was unable to be home on time to greet them. They are a lovely couple, and were compassionate and understanding that Barb was in the ER. Later that night we spoke with Barb and asked if she wanted a ride back from ER to her car in Freeland. We picked her up at 10 PM at Whidbey Health and drove her back to her car. Barb told us it was something to do with her heart that brought her to ER.

By Friday July 3rd Barb made food and goodies for her visiting Midwestern niece and friends, baked blueberry muffins for her guests, and another batch for our annual July 4th party. She even ordered commemorative coasters of her niece’s visit to the beach hosted by her friend Tabitha, a state park ranger, whose remarkable undersea photos were printed on the coasters.

Barb drove to the neighborhood street party July 4th, parking in our driveway. She felt out of breath and asked our neighbor Jackson for his arm to accompany her down the street and into a chair. I noticed Barb’s face was very gray and told Bill I thought we’d have to go back to the ER that night.

Meanwhile Barb’s friend Cindy followed her home and found the ER paperwork that indicated a mass and fluid in Barb’s lung, and that she should seek care the following day. Cindy, alarmed, returned to the July 4th party letting me know the news. We found her ancient nebulizer, and with the help of AI, found out how to get it working, so she could breathe in the medicated mist that brought color back to her cheeks. I accessed Barb’s contacts in her phone, texting her niece Tracy, who lives in Fairbanks, Alaska. Barb has long told us about her wonderful family in Alaska, where she once lived and taught for a couple of decades before moving to Langley in the late 1990s.

In the week that followed Barb’s ER visit, she asked me to drive her to various errands, including visiting an elder client for whom she was providing care. Phone calls to Barb’s doctor yielded only a consultation appointment for a lung specialist on July 20th. Yikes! She needed help sooner than that.

Our friend Mary stopped by Barb’s Thursday July 9th and stated the critical need for Barb to be seen ASAP, insisting that we go to University of Washington’s ER, so Barb could be seen, and hopefully referred to a UW hospital for immediate treatment.

Friday morning, July 10th,  I picked Barb up, we drove to the ferry,  crossed the water and I dropped her off at the UW Mountlake Emergency Room entrance. Parking is crazy there, and after dropping Barb off, I circled around and around, finally getting a parking spot in the parking garage across the street. Barb had checked herself in and was connected to oxygen when I arrived. The ER was soon to fill up with patients on gurneys lining the hallways. Barb’s niece by marriage Jamie was visiting her son, Barb’s great nephew Oliver. They arrived and brought us food, which was so appreciated. Barb was given a CT scan, confirming the mass and fluid in her lungs. A bed was found for her late that afternoon in oncology. A tattooed pair of very competent and kind men transferred Barb to the UW Northgate oncology hospital which is associated with the Fred Hutch Cancer Center.

Feeling relief at being admitted to oncology,  Barb was again scanned. It was recommended that fluid be drained from her lung. Jamie and Oliver brought more goodies. Barb’s friend Cindy came to visit. We awaited and applauded the lung doctor who would perform the procedure, which was done by July 12th, removing 1.5 liters of liquid. Barb’s color returned to her cheeks afterwards, and she had more energy. The prognosis was lung cancer that had spread. Barb chose to return home and be in hospice. Many of us felt the jolt the news brought us, and cried and hugged in the wake of learning our time with Barb was drawing to a close. Friends poured out their affection for Barb with cards, gifts, texts and emails.

I wish to applaud the caring and extremely competent nurses and doctors who told us exactly what was happening and treated Barb with gracious respect at UW. Meanwhile, Tracy arrived from Alaska and began the process of organizing Barb’s care, along with her brother Mark. He arrived in Seattle, and they quickly coordinated their aunt’s care which included transfer to the Richmond Beach Skilled Nursing facility. Cindy brought by her dear dog Gemma–who truly loves Barb. Cindy took this photo, which I had made into a pillow. We agreed Gemma was great therapy. Friends Tabitha and Joe stopped by with crocheted goodies, gifts and munchies for their friend. Bill and I stopped by with malted milkshakes. Tracy and Mark returned to Alaska, ever in touch with Team Barb.

Barb returned home Aug. 7th with her best friend from Alaska Barb Britch. The pair of Barbs walked in the back door. This photo Barb Britch took says it all. Our Barb just wanted to be home.

Hospice had set up all the necessary equipment. Barb’s friends Cindy, Tabitha, Darcy, Collette and I arranged Barb’s home so that it would accommodate her walker and oxygen lines. Collette and neighbor/friend Rie were tasked with personal care giving, as per Barbara’s wishes.

Tabitha and Darcy spruced up and cared for Barb’s beautiful garden which is full of hydrangeas, roses and geraniums.

Tracy returned from Alaska to care for her aunt, who she said was like a second mom while growing up. Her brother Mark, Jamie and Oliver arrived. Barb MacCallum began slowing down soon after returning home. Cindy brought Gemma by, who kissed her dear friend goodbye, then laid on her tummy. Langley’s United Methodist Church pastor John Tucker–who brought Barb so much happiness the past year–stopped by Friday Aug. 14th to give her his blessing.

Saturday August 15th several folks arrived to say their goodbyes. By that evening with her beloved view of the Saratoga Passage, Barb’s spirit slipped away. The following night Barb’s family had put together a salmon dinner–Tracy and Mark had caught the salmon the week before in Alaska, and Mark brought the filets down in his luggage–so that many neighbors and friends could toast their friend Barb with small paper cups of Diet Coke–Barb’s beverage of choice. Pastor John arrived to give a blessing.

Barb is someone who naturally created a gracious space. Dogs love her. She earned the devoted love from the many dogs whose owners walked by her home facing the Saratoga Passage. Barb always had treats at the ready for them. She made friends with a young girl who walked by with her mom. They played checkers and the girl called Barb her ‘best friend.’

She ran the Bells Beach Bed & Breakfast for years.

With the advent of AirBnB, Barb earned the designation of super host. She cared about her guests’ well being and shared her love of whales. She loved making breakfasts and serving them with Saratoga Sunrise–cranberry juice and orange juice and fizzy waters. Over in the corner by the front door stood a man-sized-tall sheet of keratin baleen–one of the many ‘plates’ gray or humpback whales use to filter their food instead of using teeth. She brought it back from Alaska, where she taught early childhood education courses. She loved that work so much she worked day and night. Also, while in Alaska Barb was very close to her sister Bonnie and her now-grown children Tracy and Mark. Tracy and Mark fit right in with the locals during their time here the past weeks. It was “AB”–as Tracy called her in our Team Barb threads–and Aunt Bubba by Mark. They now feel like family–an extension of how we feel about our friend Barb.

Over the years I did ‘turnovers,’ after her B&B guests left, learning how to plump the pillows with fresh pillow cases always ironed by Barb– and make the bed linens inviting for the next guests, as well as sprucing up the bathroom and living room where they stayed. When Barb traveled, I hosted her guests and made them breakfast according to their dietary needs. I was grateful to Barb for teaching me how to host a B&B, and have fun doing it.

For a while Barb worked as a guardian ad litem, and I typed her recommendations that would be presented in court. She cared for the children whose parents experienced trouble in their lives, and she found it difficult to see adults who could not get their lives together. She would meet one mom at the Coupeville Library who could only see her child in Barb’s presence. I worked at the library then, and recall her making suggestions to the parent on how to connect with and have fun with her child. When Barb had to make a tough recommendation, she worried that the party she gave the tough news to might retaliate. So to make her home look safe, she followed the suggestion she heard on TV–put a pair of man’s shoes outside the door, along with a giant dog dish with the letters BRUTUS, so would be invaders would be scared away. Fortunately no one ever showed up.

Barb loved collecting vintage holiday decorations–her garage is filled with them–and she took special pride in hiring various folks–like her friends Adrian , Tabitha and Joe to set the decorations up–especially during the Christmas holidays. A cut out of a Christmas tree with tiny lights greeted her front deck each holiday season. Also collected were craft items–she enjoyed sewing pillows featuring Washington State maps, or chenille snowmen pillows. Each holiday season it would look like Santa’s workshop with her reindeer fashioned from wine corks, croquet ball clothes hooks, Monopoly board game hotel and house earrings, sea glass earrings, game board covered notebooks, and most recently, bark cloth wallets and eye glass cases–crafts she learned at sewing classes at Create Space–a successful volunteer-run community art hub in Langley. She had ordered up boxes of vintage ties to make crafts with. But she ran out of time.

Barb also cared for other seniors, cooking for them, playing games, earning their trust. She talked of her clients fondly.

When we were together we never ran out of things to talk about. I have a load of memories of sitting in her living room, looking out over the Saratoga Passage, and, weather permitting, the Cascade mountain range in all sorts of weather. One memory that stood out: we watched a presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump the summer of 2024.

Meanwhile, Barb’s family is arranging a memorial. The date will be announced. Friend and journalist Barb Britch will write up her obituary.

There are so many stories people have shared. Barb’s memory will live on in all of us. Her friend Tabitha texted: “Had our first dog walk past. Thank you for leaving the dog cookies out. Canoodle beelined it to the steps. The dogs also checked her seat and the front door.”

And here’s an homage to Barb’s Scottish ancestry: an example of Clan MacCallum tartan:

I wonder in what form I’ll see Barb’s spirit visiting me. Whales? Eagles? Birds? Here’s to you, Barb. Thanks for making my life a better one because you were in it. I hope you meet my parents on the other side. They would love you, as do your friends and family there and here, back on Earth.